Saturday, March 5, 2011

Terrorize the haters via hermit crab.

Say hello to Amanda. 

Here are four words to describe her. 

Numero uno...

Number two

Number three

and lastly...

Word number four. 

I chose 'Athletic' for word three because Amanda was the best hockey player at the hockey castle school. 
She was so good that she could skate three whole laps around the ice rink in the amount of time that the rest of us could only skate one. 

One weekend, our hockey team had to travel to a random town for some games. I didn't play because I hurt my knee a few days earlier.  

Amanda had torn her groin, but remember, this girl was the master of greatness. She played through her pain like a champion and scored 6 goals... leading us to a six-nothing victory. 

After our game the bus took us back to the hotel. 

We trotted through the lobby to head up to our rooms, so we could call it a night and get some sleep. 

However, we were interrupted by something that caught Amanda's attention. 

What is going on in that room?
I will find out! 

Amanda had discovered a party. 

She loved parties and did not discriminate. 

This one looked to be unbearably boring, and the music sounded like... I don't really know how to explain. Imagine what a drowning cat would sound like. That was the music. 
 Amanda told us that the people needed somebody who could spice things up. 

We crowded around the door in excitement, eager to see what she was going to do.

She burst into the room, and greeted the strangers with extreme enthusiasm 

Then she made her way over to the stage

She sang her heart out for the people. 

Amanda then ordered the dumbfounded band to play some tunes that were LESS along the lines of morbid death march... and MORE along the lines of raging dance inferno!

Amanda had successfully bumped the party from a 1 to a 10 on the party greatness scale. 

And thus she managed to win the hockey game AND save the party, all in less than a day. 
YOU SEE? Amanda is great. I sure thought so. 

Back at Castle School, there was only one person who didn't like Amanda. 
Our spanish teacher, Missy Dozer. 

She just couldn't seem to appreciate Amanda's sense of humor. 

On the other hand, I found Amanda's humor to be sensational. I loved Amanda. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be just like her! 

I tried so hard to please her. 

And I followed her everywhere. 

I wanted to help terrorize her haters. 

But no matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to emulate her 'no fear' attitude. 

One day, I was struck with a fantastic idea. The most sensational idea. The most brilliant, wonderful, amazing idea that would allow ME to successfully scare Missy Dozer for once and for all! Once I had proven myself useful, I knew Amanda would let me be her sidekick. 

Gags, my new roommate Tata, and I had a hermit crab. His name was Florence. I loved him but I don't think he loved me that much. I may have scared him at times... He was very small.

Here... I want to show you a real picture. 

 Its kind-of emasculating for a young hermit crab who is trying to make his way in the world to have a pink shell. He was sensitive about it I think.

Anyways, he would play the main role in my plan. 

I would bring him to Missy Dozer's spanish class and then she would scream. YES! Great plan, I know. 

Amanda was so pleased with me! 

 At first, we let him crawl on the floor. But Missy Dozer didn't even notice, so we brought him up to the front to show her. 
She was SOOOOOOOOO ANGRY. You should have seen it, it was fantastic.

And from that day on, life was great. Amanda let me become her partner in crime. Together we terrorized the haters, and annoyed everyone 24-7 with our goofiness. 

Love you Mandy



  1. This post actually made me laugh out loud!! hahah keep posting things like these please please please

  2. that was epic. nuff said.