Life as we knew it: God loves Maddy Kolls more than he loves You

I have a friend named Maddy Kolls (AKA: Tata). She is unlike anyone else on this planet, and I would bet any sum of money on that statement. I don't really know what you would have to do to make Maddy hate you... perhaps if you burn a baby kitten to ashes?

Actually, she would definitely get more angry seeing you burn Green Bay Packers merchandise.

IMPORTANT FACT: I am NOT saying she is one of those annoying people who loves everyone, and is obnoxiously optimistic at all times. Madison is more or less the human version of Winnie the Pooh. Hum-dee-dumming through her life, only noticing the good stuff, and miraculously thriving on her endless supply of luck.

For example, lets say that a 747 blows up, mid-flight. Of course, everyone on the plane faces certain death. But if Madison was on that plane, a giant eagle would soar through the smoke and flames and grab her with its talons.

It would then drop her off at the nearest Jimmy Johns so she could have a nice sandwich for lunch.

She would order slim #4, if I remember correctly. Turkey and lettuce on a bun... nothing else.

A bird of prey rescues Maddy from certain death, and then takes her for a nice turkey sub... yes, this sounds about right. You can count on Maddy to be the least prepared. You can also count on her to come out on top, every time, without fail.

But I digress. I am here to tell you about Maddy's arrival at the Castle HighSchool.

Once upon a time, Madison decided on a whim that she would play hockey for the most prestigious prep-school team in North America. So she packed her blue suitcase up with whatever she thought she might need in order to survive her first year at boarding school.

Who needs clothes anyways? Way more important to pack your Jimi Hendrix bobble head and a season of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Madison's entire family is a lot of fun. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... Notice that they all have toothpick legs.

And so Madison left her beloved family behind, and set off for Castle School on a ray of sunshine.

La La Laaaaa... Deeee dooooo dum.

She arrived at Castle School with her friends from Wisconsin; Kellie and Kinzey.

It is hard for me to stay on task with my Maddy Kolls story when I have so much great material on Kinz and Kellie. But I must save that for another day.

Sneak Peak:

Kellie's first of many love interests. B. Billings.

Back to Madison. So as I was saying, she la-dee-doodied with her blue suitcase, until she arrived at what would be her new home for her tenth grade year at Castle High School.

Gags and I had already spent all of ninth grade at Castle School... causing trouble and being hardcore-cool and stuff like that.

Click here if you need convincing.

After a year of plotting to kill our Dorm Master's creepy dog, trying to teach Gagsie's Korean roommate some basic english, and terrorizing Walmart on a weekly basis, we figured we could not be any more prepared to run the school when tenth grade began.

I had big plans for myself. I was going to be the ruler of the Castle School.

Nothing could stand in my way. Popularity and a handsome boyfriend awaited me.

Upon our return to Castle School, Gags and I were told we would be living with a third roommate, which was a minor setback. New kids were a DRAG. Everyone knew that.

Our new dorm room was on the third floor, room 304.

When we got there, our new roommate had yet to arrive.

We placed our comforters down on the bunk beds so the new girl could sleep in the loft. Then we left the dormitories to eat lunch in the dining hall.

Meanwhile, Madison was being given her room assignment... Third floor, room 304.

Excitement for Madison. A new place to live!

Madison noticed that the Loft was the only empty bed. She climbed up to check it out.

Gags and I soon finished eating and made our way back to our new room. I sensed an intruder the moment I stepped foot through the door. My newfound confidence deserted me. I was frightened.